It's quiet here in Terrier Rouge. The Warrenton group should be safely at the hotel by now and the Presbyterians should be landing soon in the Dominican Republic. It's just me and the roaches till the morning. I didn't quite know how I'd feel at this point in the trip, seeing my friends go home to their kids, Chick-Fil-A and Dr Peppers didn't make me sad at all - sorry. But it's quiet now and I'm not quite sure what to do with that.

So I took a long walk down some unknown dirt filled streets. Just me and Terrier Rouge and the beautiful people that call this home. I knew if I got lost they would point me back home, it's pretty obvious just who I am ! The children still know me and I love that they call out " Carrie " in their little voices and I laugh inside when I hear it. I remember two years ago I taught them that Mike's real name was " boo Mike," I'm hoping they remember that tomorrow when he comes.

It's all becoming familiar to me now, the faces, the smells, the sights and even some of the language. Every once in a while I will see a Fauquier baseball hat and know that Jacob sent that or a pillowcase dress and know that was made with a whole lot of love. But it doesn't shock me anymore to see naked children running in the streets, dirt filled homes with no electricity, a basket of dead chickens being carried on someones head or even the vast amounts of trash everywhere. It's Haiti. I watched as Aisha, only 20 years old, saw all of this for the first time. Her eyes were big and the look of shock on her face was one that hopefully will change her world in the many years to come. Even Glen, a world traveler many times over was dumbfounded at the sight of the border, a scene best described as something straight out of Dante's Inferno. Sights that can't be replicated in words or pictures, only in person, in truth and in Haiti.

So what happens to us when it doesn't draw us out of our shell and rock our world anymore? What does it say about us when we too begin to toss trash out the window or assume that the rest of the world lives just like us? We lose a piece of ourselves. It truly is one of my biggest fears, to forget this place, to have it become the ordinary instead of a place that could be so much more.

Mike forgot to pack an extra pair of pants for me when he left the States. I have three pairs and they are getting a bit stinky...to say the least. It's the first time I've gotten upset while I've been here. Oh, I've cried and I've sobbed, don't get me wrong. But I actually was upset at someone ... Be it Mike or Paul or whoever... I was, ok, I'll say it mad. It feels good. It feels really good, even better as I write it down. Mad! Finally I have something or someone to get mad at for what is wrong...even if it is just a missing pair of pants. Those that get paid the big bucks will call it transference or something with a big psychological name to it ... I call it humanity, somehow it just makes it better when you can blame someone else for all your problems.

It makes no sense till you come and you sit in this dirt and breathe this charcoal filled air. It sounds so superficial until you look into the eyes of those that are hungry and see the children that cannot go to school. Now, I can be mad at something because it seems that so much is wrong that I can do nothing about,and somehow blaming someone for something as silly as a pair of pants makes me feel better.

I knew, four years ago on my first trip here, that I couldn't solve all the problems of Haiti. I also knew as sure as I am finding myself back here again and again that I have to do my part in making a difference. I can't let this become ordinary and I have to be able to stay MAD, because that's what opens the way for change. I'm not a world leader and I don't have billions of dollars to make jobs and sustainability for Haiti. But I have some amazing friends- even Mike who can't remember to pack a pair of pants (I'm laughing now ....) and Paul who came just a few weeks ago to see what this was all about, and you! If you are reading this you must know me in some way and I'll be honest with you, I know that my job here is to keep bringing you, all of you, here so that you too can fall in love with the people and you too can get MAD because life can be so much more.

Now I guess I'll sign off for now. Much love to my Paul, Jacob, Izzy and of course even to Jen and Mike...I owe you one since I picked on you both this entire blog. Seriously though... Now I'm glad I don't have the pants, it gave me a chance to get MAD at everything else. Just give me a chance to change and shower before we break open the Dr Pepper when I get home.