My Starfish.

We found her. 

I was certain in my heart that we would.  And the best part... I found her.

 I walked through the schools with my iPhone in hand with her picture and searched every face.  I paused to say a few broken French words and I'd search again. 

She wasn't in school. I looked.

I looked through my camera lens with the mega zoom, searching faces, holding my breath.  We showed her picture to the community leader and he did not know who she was.  I was discouraged at best.  I knew if I saw her I would know her.  I knew in my heart that I would recognize her and I did. 

 She was in the middle of about 8 boys under a tree, a true tomboy.  She wore someones discarded leotard, ripped and torn at the edges. And the same stubborn look that says "I can do this on my own."  She is taller and her cheeks are thinner but her eyes are the same.  A touch of defiance, uncertainty but above all else unknown fear. They were slightly yellow and you could tell at the age of 6 that those eyes had seen too much. I showed her her picture from last year and told her that I had found her. She is my starfish..

 Pere Bruno went and found her mother and we told her the story again.  With Pere Bruno's permission I gave her $25 and we visited, as best we could.  I showed her pictures of my children "ma pitzits" and told her my name- Pastor Carrie. In very broken French I told her I had been praying for her and I held my hands in prayer. 

Gazline  was silent, staring at the children getting dresses under the makeshift lean to.  We outfitted her in the most gorgeous white eyelet pillowcase dress, it was gorgeous against her dark skin.

Am I  a bleeding heart.  Absolutely. 

An emotional wreck. Without a doubt.

But hopefully, somehow and in someway I pray that she knows that she doesn't have to take on the world alone. As Pere Bruno turned away I handed the mother the rest of my American dollars in my backpack.  I reached in and found my favorite hot pink running hat and filled it with everything I could find... Power bars, tootsie pops, chewing gum, a Chick-Fil-A cows, a caribeaner and random candies, and another stray $5.  I put it in her mothers hands and said "For Gazline." And then we just stood in silence, my tears we're the only sound and my hands didn't want to leave her shoulders. 

Pere Bruno came by and said "You found her". And I cried some more.  I thought once I found her I'd be ready to go home.  I thought that was what weighed most heavily on my heart.  I thought I was done, but I'm not.  I'm not ready to leave is place. For some reason, in my heart even now, almost two weeks later I still don't want to go home.  I just want my Paul, my Jacob and my Izzy here with me.  I guess God isn't done with me yet.